Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
