I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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