I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
