You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize