yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
