it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
