I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
