It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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