Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
