I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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