so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
