with your own penis?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
