is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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