Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
