His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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