my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
