1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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