Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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