I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
