i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
ttyl tear gas
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
