WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
