you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
