No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
