Nicole vs. Life
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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