Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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