On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
