lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
