As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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