The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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