We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
