her vagine was all disorganized.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
