I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
