There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
