just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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