What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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