she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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