OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
