I wish I could teleport
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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