How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
