its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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