no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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