i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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