Got a toothbrush?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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