I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
