Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
