i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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