the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
