I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
