She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
