So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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