I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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