I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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