Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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