apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
