I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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