and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
