Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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