Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
