Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize