Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
