nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
