Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
