I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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