i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
