I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
