My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
