Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Every concussion has its silver lining
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Randomize
