he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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