im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
