If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize